Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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