Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Actions speak louder than pants.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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