Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
