A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
