Do you still have your period?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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