i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
