as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
