at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
