I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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