vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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