I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
