i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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