Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
