i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
