are you still at the devil's house?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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