She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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