I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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