community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Green mimosas i think yes
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
