Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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