Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
