Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
not ubering you a puppy
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
