My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
