so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize