He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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