So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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