I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
