Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
