Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
