you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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