Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
