maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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