Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
