I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
