your thong is hanging out like whoa
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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