R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
