the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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