Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
