i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
