I will die if light touches me.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
