Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm just crazy horny about you
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
