i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
