evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize