the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
