Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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