I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
