i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He felt like a one man threesome
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
