She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
