it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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