omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
