Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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