I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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