my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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