Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
