I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
