the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
false alarm. still invincible.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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