Whod you bang
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
