She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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