I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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