He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
