am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
