I just made out with a guy for $7.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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