I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My friends, they love my intelligence
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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