Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
