we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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