Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize