i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just want to make out with him forever
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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