Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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