i may or may not be watching the land before time
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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